He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
