I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Acid is not a monday night drug
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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