he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
