i was born a porn star she said
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
