I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
