party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I know her cup size but not her name....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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