I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
