After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
