you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
