I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
