So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have fence marks all over my body
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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