I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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