well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
