idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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