my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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