take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
