Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
