I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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