I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
