I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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