I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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