I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
