so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
