No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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