friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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