remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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