You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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