I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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