I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
