Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
