I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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