Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
