my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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