I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
