And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
