I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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