I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
