I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
