Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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