Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
