If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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