I'm really into asian looking animals
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
