Sry I called you an 8
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
