Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
