So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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