If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
