Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize