Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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