I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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