I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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