At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
