Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
