Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
