I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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