Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
