I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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