Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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