if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
