I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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