were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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