Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
