u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
