So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
