I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize