thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
