so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
