Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
