I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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