bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
