what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
