i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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