shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
