we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
