If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
