Are we in a gay sports bar?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
