i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
