I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
