Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
